Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Phlatman & Bobbin Episode 6 - the WOSE BAVE caper

Our caped crusaders are on the prowl again, this time in search of righting audio misconceptions. Cleverly disguised by wearing Beats Audio earbuds and listening to iPod MP3 players, our audio avengers are under cover in civilian clothes, Ray Ban sun glasses over their skin-tight eye masks, and bright red clown noses so as not to reveal their true identities.

"Look, over there!" Bobbin yelled alerting Phlatman to a starry-eyed woman about to enter an audio superstore. "My wristwatch telekinetic thingamabob says she's about to buy...oh no...a WOSE BAVE RADIO!"

"Hurry, Bobbin, while there's still time!"

Our unmasked avengers scurry as fast as they can dashing fearlessly through oncoming traffic avoiding taxis and ignoring obscene expletives and hand gestures willingly volunteered by three hundred pound half-shaven drivers. "Put your iPod up to your ear and hold your hand out in front of you..." Phlatman injects. "...they'll think your someone important and stop more willingly."

Bobbin cocked his chin and rippled his lip. "What the *&%# is he thinking...this is downtown...no one stops for you in this city."

As our unsuspecting potential customer reaches for the door under the Pharmacy sign, our red-nosed heroes are still only half way across the four-lane street. "Hurry Bobbin, more hand waving and hold up your iPod as if it were a badge."

"Did you forget to take your Ridalin this morning Phlatman?"

Swerving through the yellow maze of befuddled inner-city taxi cabs, our heroes finally reach the curb and dash into the door. Left, right, forward, back, nowhere is she seen. Bobbin looks down at his wrist thingamabob and it points west past the paint cans. "Over there next to the frozen foods. She has the shopping cart with a wobbly wheel!"

Grabbing a hand basket, Phlatman raced toward the unsuspecting shopper tossing a bag of Cheetos into his basket to look less suspicious. The two catch up to her just as she walks past a stack of motor oil. Hiding amidst the fishing lures, Bobbin peeped over the top of a shelf while grabbing a can of mosquito repellant just like any other masked-hero shopper would do. Her hand was reaching for the WOSE BAVE RADIO box and a pimple-faced clerk was closing the sale. "She's going to do it! What should we do?"

Phlatman grabbed two of the worst looking purses he could find. "We'll distract her by asking her opinion about clothing accessories. She'll never suspect a thing!"

"Excuse me..." Phlatman said to the unsuspecting woman. "Can I ask your opinion?"

"Of course..." she replied with a definitely eastern twang.

"Which of these purses would you buy?" Phlatman held up the gaudy pair. "It's a gift for my special friend..."

Collecting herself so as not to projectile vomit onto the weirdly-clothed man, the woman put her hand to her mouth just in time and choked down the last temptations to spray the weirdest sunglasses she had ever seen.

"Well, to me, it just not right. I mean, it's nice and each piece has its own merits, but this is nothing I would ever be seen holding. I prefer something a bit more upscale, like GUCCI accessories myself."

"Exactly my thoughts...spoken with truth and sincerity. I know little of these things and rely on others to help me out." Phlatman paused to allow a sense of pride build in her unsuspecting mind. "I see you are buying a stereo..."

"Yes. My friend has a WOSE and she says its the cat's meow."

"Have you heard it?"

"Well, no, but she is a good friend and wouldn't lie to me."

"Just as you have shared with me the truth about these purses, I want to share with you the truth about that radio. Just as the individual items have merits, the WOSE is not much more than an iPod without ear buds. As you wouldn't be seen wearing these shoes and clothes, I wouldn't be seen listening to that particular system."

"What do you mean? WOSE ads are everywhere."

"And that makes it the truth? If what you desire is to seriously listen to music, save our money and make an investment in some serious audio gear. Much like buying GUCCI over ZHALMART, both do the job but which gives you greater satisfaction?"

"Well, the GUCCI would be much nicer..."

"Exactly. In the audio world, the equivalent of higher-quality accessories is called 'high-end audio' and there are two fine salons in town that cater to this type of equipment. Seriously now, do you want to spend hundreds of dollars on the ZHALMART purse when you could save up just a little more and owned a GUCCI?"

"I see your point. Where are these stores?"

"I'll be happy to share the addresses with you...and here's my phone number in case you have any other questions."

The two masked heroes strolled away past the peanuts as the woman yelled down the long aisle, "Thank you for saving me, oh masked marauder. You're my hero! I'll call you..."

"Quite the way to pick up a date, Phlatman..."

Stay tuned to this channel for our next episode when Bobbin asks, "So did she ever call you?"

Yours for higher fidelity,
Philip Rastocny 

I do not use ads in this blog to help support my efforts. If you like what you are reading, please remember to reciprocate, My newest title is called Where, oh Where did the Star of Bethlehem Go? It’s an astronomer’s look at what this celestial object may have been, who the "Wise Men" were, and where they came from. Written in an investigative journalism style, it targets one star that has never been considered before and builds a solid case for its candidacy.


My other titles include:

·  Extreme Audio 1: House Wiring·  Build an Extreme Green Hot Water Solar Collector
·  Extreme Audio 2: Line Filtering·  The Extreme Green Guide to Wind Turbines
·  Extreme Audio 3: Chassis Leakage·  The Extreme Green Guide to Solar Electricity
·  Extreme Audio 4: Interconnect Cables·  Meditation for Geeks (and other left-brained people)
·  Extreme Audio 5: Speaker Wires·  Althea: A Story of Love
·  Extreme Green Guide to Improving Mileage·  Build an Extreme Green Raised Bed Garden
·  Extreme Green Organic Gardening·  Build an Extreme Green Rain Barrel
·  Extreme Green Organic Gardening 2012·  Build an Extreme Green Squirrel-Proof Bird Feeder
·  Build an Extreme Green Composter·  Extreme Green Appliance Buying Guide

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